How Do You Feel Good Now?
How do you feel good when you’re unhappy? How do you feel good, when you don’t feel good? How do you feel good when you have acne? How do you feel good when you’re sick? How do you feel good when you’re overweight? How do you feel good when you’re trapped in your mind? How do you feel good when you have headaches? How do you feel good when you’re bank account is nearly empty? How do you feel good when you never feel like you’re enough? How do you feel good when you don’t know what to do?
How do You Feel Good Now?
I ask myself…how do I feel good now? When things are so hard and difficult, when I’m so far down the rabbit hole, how do I pull myself out? How do I get myself out of this place and into a better feeling one? What do I do? Why am I always down and feeling low and confused and drained? What am I not doing? Or maybe, what am I doing too much of?
You see. I’ve realized I’m the only one keeping me down in that dark hole. I’ve realized that I am the reason I have acne. I am the reason I have little money. I am the reason I don’t feel good. There is no one else to blame. It’s a matter of recognizing there is a dis-ease in my mind. I have been keeping myself in this dark place (unintentionally) playing the victim role. I’ve been an energy vampire, draining Mike from his own energy. I have been in a low place, trying to keep my head above water. I’ve been constantly trying to grasp for air, but can’t seem to bring in enough.
Everything’s been falling apart and I’ve been stuck in this hamster wheel that wont’s stop spinning, and I’ve had no idea how to jump out of it and be still.
I stopped moving. Stopped hooping, dancing, cooking, creating, painting, stretching. I just stopped. Then I got comfortable not moving, but my unhappiness grew stronger each moment. I didn’t realize how serious I became, how little I laughed and how sensitive I was becoming. My mind would race all day long and I wouldn’t know how to stop it.
I’ve been doing so much energy release. I’ve been bringing up so much pain trapped within my body, but I haven’t been doing the best at actually letting go what I’ve been bringing up. When I stopped moving, everything just stuck under the surface of my body. I wasn’t practicing yoga or meditation either.
There are tight spots all throughout my body (trapped energy). When that trapped energy is released (through yoga, rolling on a lacrosse ball, admitting to something I haven’t been honest about) it comes up as a thought. So when I roll out a tight spot I’ll soon hear a thought afterwards of what that was. Maybe a memory, maybe a doubtful thought. But when I’m experiencing that release, I sometimes forget what’s actually happening. I forget that energy is being released, and I attach onto it and push it back down because the thought doesn’t resonate or it’s a scary one that can’t be true. Without allowing it to pass through my consciousness, I get in the way of my own healing by attaching myself to a thought.
It’s been pretty confusing. I’ve also been dealing with my acne still. It’s been flaring up lately. I’ve been judging other people lately and haven’t known why. I’ve been judging people who are struggling. Judging those who aren’t farther along in their journey. I’ve been judging other people who have acne.
I’ve been praying to God to help me see them for who they are. Praying for this fog to clear so I can see others for the light and love that they are.
This morning, I began to think about how your reality is a projection of your mind. I’ve been judging myself for struggling, judging myself for not being further along in my journey, judging myself for having acne.
I’ve been wishing I was further along the road, wishing I was somewhere other than where I was. But you see….that’s where my problem is. In the 8 limbs of yoga, one of the Niyamas is Santosha, contentment. Content with where you are right now in this moment.
This morning, I realized how I’ve been projecting my insecurities onto everyone around me, judging them, in turn judging myself (for we are all consciousness experiencing our uniqueness) .
This has taught me a very important lesson.
This has taught me forgiveness and compassion. To forgive myself for being so hard on myself for so long. To forgive myself for not showing myself more love. Forgive myself for not being kinder to my body. Forgive myself for judging myself and others.
Compassion for others for where they are at in their journey, when I know how hard it can be. Compassion for myself. Compassion for you.
I see you. I see the struggle that’s underneath the surface that you try very hard to disguise. We all have things we’re going through, but how many of us are actually being honest about what’s happening?
I’m doing my best too. Honesty is the key to freedom.
The Fall Equinox was September 22nd, and things are definitely looking up. I’m finding more balance in my routine, I’m feeling happier and less frozen. I’m practicing yoga again, I’m starting to move and create. I’m finding that inspiration that’s been temporarily absent.
The only thing I need to keep up on, that I haven’t been doing, is meditating in stillness. I’ve been practicing meditation through movement, but meditating in stillness is just as important, and I’ve neglected it.
I’ve also been drinking a ton of water, I’ve been feeling so dehydrated lately. It’s like I can’t drink enough. My guess, is that my body needs so much to help flush out all the energy that’s being released within my body.
I promised myself on September 26th, that I would show up. I will be an active participant in my life. I will do the things I know I need to do.I will practice my meditation and yoga. I would continue to move and wouldn’t be frozen. I will show myself so much love, so much compassion and so much forgiveness. I will show up.
So how have I been the cause of my own problems?
By viewing myself as something other than what I truly am. When I think of myself as anything other than beautiful, anything other than love, I create a discourse within myself. I’ve been viewing my mind, body, and spirit as separate..When you view yourself as something other than how your higher self sees you as, then you don’t feel good.
When you view someone else as something other than what they are, when you look at someone else in a negative way, you’re creating that discourse because your higher self knows that other person is you. Your higher self knows that other person isn’t that negative emotion you’re feeling. By you being mean to someone else or judging someone else, you’re being mean to yourself. When you compliment someone else, you’re really complimenting yourself.
It’s all just a matter of remembering your practice. And this is why yoga is so important.
It’s so crazy to know that there’s petty behavior and drama within yoga communities (studios). I’d think that people at yoga studios are practicing the art of yoga. Being honest and kind and compassionate always. For those of you who are actively practicing being the best version of yourself, I applaud you. Thank you.
For those of you who aren’t, that’s okay. Now is the perfect time to start taking better care of yourself and your life. It’s the perfect time to stand up for others and stop pointing fun at those around you. It’s the perfect time to practice forgiveness. It’s time to practice honesty, and compassion.
We cannot feel good when we’re wishing to be somewhere other than where we are right now. Once we learn to feel good first, by practicing yoga or meditating or doing ANYTHING that makes us feel good, then everything will fall into place. Nothing is going to flow easily when you’re trying too hard, or wishing you were somewhere other than where you are.
Practice being happy first, by doing anything you love to do. Once you are happy, the Universe works in your favor, and your life becomes filled with miracles.
It’s always a pleasure,
my hope is to continue being consistent with my blog posts.
I’ll be uploading some new recipes soon.
October 16th I will be updating my art shop.
Satya beautiful friends.